Fever Ray - I’m Not Done

“How do you say you’re sorry and there’s nothing to be afraid of…”

I turned 41 on January 25th. I’m now officially over forty and hoping to reject the notion of being also over the hill. My beloved 97 year old maternal grandmother died the other night. A dear friend’s dad a few nights before that. I’ll be getting divorced at some point this year. I’m heartbroken twice over. One flame truly doused, still carrying a newer second, now battered and sputtering torch in vain. I yelled at my daughter this morning so loudly, it caused tears in us both. She refused to brush her teeth and I snapped, all my narcissistic frustrations and emotional turmoil erupting in one astoundingly weak daddy moment. I am exquisitely imperfect. I am riding the waves. I am smoking again, at night. I do 40 pushups a day. I am suddenly in love with this song and how I feel it so deeply, on it’s own and surrounded by the rest of this gorgeous album, it’s a kind of perfect.

So, thank you Karin Dreijer Andersson. Thank you for the iTunes gifting Chris M. Thank you friends and family for all your wonderful birthday wishes. And for setting fire in the snow with me, thank you C.